?

Log in

sleepyface

Thursday, April 2, 2009

1:59PM

There is this total douche of a guy named Tucker Max who wrote a book called "I hope they serve beer in hell" its basically about his drunk escapades (sp?) during law school and all the women he treated badly. Though highly offensive, this guy is a great story teller and I thought the book was a good read. It's now being made into a movie. Starring none other than LOGAN from gilmore girls! Matt Czuchry is playing Tucker. I am going to see it just cause hes in it. YAY!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

12:26PM - Best of Craigslist. This is a gem.


Carry my casket - m4w

I have come to a realization that I don't have many friends. That means when I die I won't have enough people to carry my casket. I believe the minimum number of pallbearers is six. I've also got a very small family, so they won’t do. I can't do any exact math on the numbers of available people because by the time I die I won't be sure which of those people will still be around or if we all died together in some horrific accident. If I make a rough estimate I'd say roughly there would be 5 reliable people, friends and family included. As you can see I'm short one. So I am here on craigslist in search of a new friend. So why a female friend? I just thought I'd even it out a bit since most of the other pallbearers will be male. In all honestly I don’t want my funeral to be a sausage fest because then some of the other pallbearers might not show. With some female incentive it will ensure that they come through for me.

Now I realize this is going to be very competitive, I mean who wouldn’t want to carry my casket? So below is more details on how to apply.

Now in order to my friend you'll have to meet the following conditions and requirements:
-Must make an appearance at my funeral to carry my casket
-Must be able to lift 1/6th of the weight of my body inside a casket
-Being my friend is only secondary to your role as my pallbearer, in the case that I start to actually like you as a friend, that role may be switched to a secondary priority.
-This will be STRICTLY friendship. You must not fall in love with me. I don't need a coffin straddler at my funeral because it will make the casket that much heavier to carry. Besides it's not proper custom the spouse to be a pallbearer anyway
-In the case that you die before I do I will be your pallbearer
-In the case I changed my mind and decide to be cremated then you are hereby relieved of your duty as pallbearer

The interview process may subject you to tests such as heavy lifting, ability to cry, and proper funeral dress. Training will be provided for all successful applicants in proper lifting technique, crying when you really don't care, and how to dress for a funeral.

I thank all applicants for applying but only those that I am interested in will be contacted for an interview.

In case you're wondering, I'm not dieing. Therefore until the day I do maybe we can be friends? So please would somebody commit to this task? I could die any day now…please hurry.


  • Location: Toronto
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Thursday, October 30, 2008

4:48PM

Hey Washington, I think I'm done with you for awhile, you keep letting me down.

Friday, May 16, 2008

6:34PM - top ten things that you think make you cool but dont

oh  my god funniest thing ever!

http://www.holytaco.com/2008/05/14/10-items-you-think-make-you-cool-but-dont/

Monday, April 14, 2008

6:37PM - Best of Craigslist - April 11

"No taxation without representation"

What do I get for my federal taxes? Our public schools are failing, Social Security is insolvent, Medicare & Medicaid are run by a corrupt government that uses taxpayer money to overpay the corporations that run it. Our military is in shambles, our economy is on the brink of complete collapse and all our leaders can think of to do in order to solve the problem is to use our tax dollars to bail out the mistakes of corporations while Americans end up homeless and broke. And stuck with the bill.

Do people understand how much money we have spent in Iraq? Seriously really, get a grip and really GET how much money has gone down the hole? And even if they do, do they realize that the Iraq bill, from a dollar perspective, HASN'T COME DUE YET??? The shit going on with the economy right now has NOTHING to do with the THREE FUCKING TRILLION DOLLARS that this clusterfuck in Iraq will eventually cost us.

$3,000,000,000,000 / 300,000,000 = $10,000/ea.

That means that RIGHT NOW, without ANY interest, each and every American in this country is in for $10 fucking K. On top of our current federal and state income tax burden.

Now, I pay for electricity. I pay for internet. I pay for television and I pay for my phone. The tax I pay at the pump covers most of the cash either state or federal government spend on shit like road repairs, but whatever. I pay for the gas to heat my home and cook my food. I pay a shitload at the hospital and even pay tax on some of that shit. I pay sales tax. I even pay retail tax, even though the corporations pass ALL their taxes on to me when I buy their shit. So what the fuck do I get?

A military that is now broken. An infrastructure that is crumbling. A justice system that favors their own, the rich and the politicians, and if to add insult to injury, herd me like a fucking piece of cattle and actually go out of their way to find a reason to make me pay them for some bullshit slight.

So what the hell is a rational guy supposed to do? What did our forefathers do, when faced with this kind of bogus farce of representation, when bullied into paying for something they don't even want or need?

When a man with a checkbook has greater sway than a million voices, OR EVEN ONE FUCKING VOICE, then hasn't our grievance become that of the founders of this country?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

5:41PM

im moving home. spokane just doesn't do it for me anymore. may 1st.

Monday, February 25, 2008

1:24AM - tattoos. any feedback or opinion?

so im getting some ink done. i need some feedback. 

left wrist - grace
right wrist - faith

behind the right ear - 3 stars

possible sleeve ideas or on the feet or shoulder but probably sleeve:

a tiger lily in orange and pink

the following lyrics by underoath and aaron marsh

"Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger, to be stronger
Hey ungraceful I will teach you
To forgive one another
Hey unloving
I will love you"

or the shortened version:

"Hey Unfaithful
Hey Ungraceful
Hey Unloving
I will love you"

I'm thinking the shorter version but I like them both. I think I would get it done in a straight line.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

8:34PM

amy winehouse won a GRIP of grammys. and shes supposed to be in rehab! no one likes her. britney is WAY better. i love britney. i wish she was at the grammys instead.

Friday, February 8, 2008

8:12AM - guilty pleasure

i fucking love maroon 5.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

2:39AM

so i just watched a walk to remember because it was on tv. the last time i saw that movie i was dating rob layton. circa 2002. yikes. um, it is sooo sad. but at the same time SOOOO CORNY. but shane west, such a babe! why does mandy moore always have the hottest costars? walk to remember, saved, because i said so? she's kind of annoying....

so i went cross country skiing today and i hurt my wrist. i am going rock climbing on tuesday. sooo excited. skiing was fun. operation winter sports in full effect. i am starting to maybe like winter. tonight was trivia at the VIKING, me and mattea's favorite bar. Cassie and Blake were there too! So fun! I have had a good weekend!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

12:55AM

i am going to regret saying this, but i cant get enough of boys like girls right now. there song is so fucking catchy, and i want to listen to them all day long. alison im sorry. this will pass. oh and they are from boston. :)

Monday, December 17, 2007

8:46AM

 some perks about being an adult are definately coffee and beer. both are amazing. so is sex, but as far is beverages are concerned, coffee and beer. do they ever dissapoint? no. i love them.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

10:18PM - OMG- found this on Best of Craigslist- SOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!

Date: 2007-11-07, 10:38AM EST


Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night! 


Philadelphia

2:21PM - WH1

so im pretty sure the best part about finals week/the end of the year/VHI and E! in general are the shows that make fun of all the celeberties and the pathetic things that people do on TV. I just LOVE shows like to 100 worst tv show moments or best week ever with commentary because the smart ass comedians are so fucking witty and I can't even beleive the things they say about the people. My favorite is Joel McCale I would marry him he is so fucking hilarious. 

So I am watching top 40 songs of 2007 on VH1 and my  favorite part was when one of the comedians was talking about Amy Whinehouse and he said, Amy Whinehouse is the girl whose like, 'let's take shots!' and youre like, no I've had too many...' and she's like 'Pussy!' then she takes her shots then she takes your shots and goes and gets a tattoo...."     OMG! cause Amy Whinehouse is SUCH a trainwreck!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

5:21PM - some things

 i am in therapy for my own wellness. my counselor's name is melinda. she could be the smartest person ive ever met. 

i have lived the past 6-8 months in too much pain and anger, anxiety and unhappiness and i cant handle it, so im done. i am sooo done. i am turning over a new leaf, a huge positive leaf. haha. 

i am working really hard on:

liking spokane
liking myself
trying to be friends with andrew
loving school
being positive in everything
making new friends
new hobbies
loving life
no more bad days

i have been in a super good mood for like 3 days, i really dont want this streak to end. it's amazing how much better you can feel just physically when you are in a good mood. 

i am reading a lot more. about good things. 

i bought a hand held tape recorder. partly so i can transcribe but also so i can voice journal in my car when i am stuck going slow behind the people "less experienced in agressive driving"

reframing is the key to turning negative thoughts into positive ones.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

10:04PM

I am  trying this new thing where I push out negative thoughts with positive thoughts and everytime I get in a bad mood to surround myself with things I like. So far it's working. I'm SUPER excited about winter break hangouts and beer drinking and being merry!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

2:59PM

 19 months, 1 week, 5 days.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

2:54PM

 i am having a bad day today. 

here's some reasons why im not in a good mood. 

i have a lot of cramps and pms. i dont feel good.

i had a party/get together last night and it was kinda fun, but everyone left at 10 because they are all in "couples" and are kinda boring. 

after the party mattea and i went online and tried to find some ways to meet people in spokane that were fun. OMG all we found were sketchy people who might kill us if we hung out with them. 

i got a VIRUS from azurus and just paid 100 dollars and spent two hours on the phone with india getting off my computer. i was also told there is a possibly i got identity thefted in the process.

on friday i hung out with john and between the two of us we convinced ourselves that spokane is the WORST place to live and we are not getting intellectually stimulated EVER in school and we should both be at central. 

i didnt get placed in Spokane's school district because there wasnt enough placements for my internship so i am going to be stuck driving at least an hour away every day and back to get to my internship in the spring and all next year. this is IF my car doesn't break.

i HATE MY JOB and the hobags that run my office. they treat me like an incompetent child and the truth is i am more qualified then them to do their jobs. 

i have a TON of homework. 




i think instead of doing anything productive i am going to watch HBO and eat chocolate. I AM REALLY TRYING HARD BUT I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

5:09PM

Im  watching GG reruns, like I do every day at 5pm on ABC family! Ladies I miss you, really I do, sooooo much! I think about all my GG friends EVERY SINGLE time this show comes on. We mos def need a reunion!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

10:55PM

maybe  i just watch too much law and order, but i swear, half the time my neighbors are committing murder in thier apartments. it smells like chemicals in the vents. like nail polish remover and bleach. i am going to be sick. i feel like they are soaking dead bodies to keep them from rotting. then there is the rotting smell. also, all the parties that go on this this building. tons of people come home at 2:15 am as well. i am STOKED that i move out Wednesday. a week after that and i have a new place. 

so friday night was awesome. i really had a good night. game night last friday was really good too. at emily's house. i dont know if i wrote about that or not. i can't decide which was my fav night in Spokane yet. i am just feeling some real human connections to some people. i hope they feel the same way. like we could be lifelong friends and we just arent yet. i really hope that happens cause i need some life long friends right now. i have either lost too many at this point or the ones i do have are more than 185 miles away. (alison i MISS you). i feel like i need some extended family type friends right now since my family is not only on the westside, but kinda too busy to worry about my every day shit. i hope i can find people who need that as well so we can bond like lego peices. 

i have been listening to band of horses right now. quite possibly my favorite band right now. i also now drink coffee like its going out of style. and beer. coffee and beer could very well be the two best things in life. 

the next boy who wants to be my boyfriend should probably like or tolerate the following:

coffee, beer, band of horses, some ganster rap, have a beard or be able to grow one cause im in to that right now ( i know, wierd) tea, pesto pasta salad, counseling, boston, politics, my incesant (sp?) back and forth religious (or non) views, and the fact that i am a self proclaim narcicist. 

why? cause i decided im going to be picky from now on. unless i settle. whatever. 

i seriously am going to barf from the fumes of dead bodies and formaldahide.....

i miss:
Mandy (come back to WA)
Leigh (also come back!)
Traci
Kirstin
Alison
Jenny in Tacoma (impact) 
Joy Black
Lila Waldron
all my other Gilmore Girls
Amy Lynn my G/F
Rebecca Evenson 
the Duke
Tristin my radio other half
also Megan my other radio lady 
MELanie Howard!
anyone else I havent seen in awhile (my lifers who actually read this)

Navigate: (Previous 20 entries)